Monday, 01 September 2008
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how important is physical attraction????
I can't stand shallow people. Hate might be a little too strong to describe the feeling....strongly dislike is slightly better. VERY strongly dislike. And I never want to be considered shallow, but I have to ask.....just how important is physical attraction to a relationship???? Can it grow over time? Is it important that it's there in the beginning? What if that is THE ONLY thing missing? Will the relationship still work? Am I shallow for even considering this question?
Answers to these questions are very welcome. Please, give me your opinions.
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Comments (12)
My mother actually says that my standards are too low. Because I'm the type of person who sees another individual as attractive ONLY if they wind up being good people. That is the reason I never chased after the alleged 'popular' and 'handsome' guys--because they only become attractive after I discover their personalities.
But I'm like 10% of the world's population. The 90% still hold up mirrors.
@the_bonsai_tree@xanga - I like the way you think! I tend to look at a person's overall character, not just physical appearance, in determing how attractive that person is. And I believe a person can become more/less attractive as their real character becomes known.
So, would you consider a serious relationship with someone that you didn't initially feel attracted to but developed an attraction to over time as you got to know him?
ps- Thanks for your comment!
Yes, ha ha ha. All of my previous crushes and boyfriends have been that way. Some were extremely easy on the eyes if you know what I mean, and others were ordinary-looking. But they were all initially meaningless to me. Because I base my relationships on immense trust, and no matter how physically appealing a guy is, I wouldn't be attracted to him on looks alone. He has to be a kind person who understands my lame jokes and laughs a lot. And then soon we're on the way to somewhere ;)
@the_bonsai_tree@xanga - I completely agree with you! It seems like all the guys I've known who everyone else considered attractive were completely self-centered, and I can't put up with that. I don't want all his attention all the time, but a guy who likes to help others is attractive to me. And so is someone who is incredibly trustworthy. I'm not a trusting person; so if a guy can gain my trust, he has a good shot at a relationship. And, yes, someone who will laugh with me is definitely a plus!
I would have to say physical attraction has a fair amount of importance in a relationship. I'm not saying that mates have to have super model or athletic bodies or anything. They don't have to be attractive to everyone. The most important thing is that you're attracted to them.
Being attracted to and falling in love with someone's personality is more important than pure physical attraction. If there's no emotional connection, then anything that happens physically is just lust. Love > lust.
Physical attraction does not have to be instantaneous. It sure isn't for me, most of the time. There are many guys who I grew fond for, despite my initial observation that I was not physically attracted to them. Their physical imperfections were glaring 'flaws', but they became cute little trademarks, and I grew to be attracted to them, inside and out. Just to emphasize the sentiment above.... an emotional connection is key. I think that's where the physical attraction stems from... you learn to love their inner-self, and the topical attributes don't tend to mean so much anymore.
Conversely, I'm sure we all meet drop-dead gorgeous men, who after getting to know them, we realize they're selfish slime-bags. And their beauty, no matter how pleasing to the eye, turns sour. Our minds can't convince us that he's an object of physical attraction.
Physical attraction shouldn't even be important as you get to know the person as what he is and not what he looks like. He should love you even if you are 300 lbs but that's really truly unhealthy : ).
Physical attraction is part of your over-all attraction for that person. It's important, but not the most important thing to have in a relationship.
Physical attraction is important, but it's only a small portion of what makes relationships last. I, personally, find that I become more attracted to people the more I get to know them.
Thank you all for your comments. You've helped to settle in my mind my questions about this.
@Charlotte - You basically put my thoughts into words and confirmed what I was thinking! Thanks!!!
I don't think you're shallow at all. The thing about physical attraction for me is that it's what pushes a relationship from friendship into more-than-friend-ship. The best relationships have a strong foundation in close friendship, and you become close friends because of the person's personality, insight, values, sense of humor, whatever. It's when those things start to turn you on that you think, we should start dating! If I have no desire to jump, make out with, or otherwise snog a guy, he's most likely been friend-boxed (or will be soon enough). Don't feel bad for wanting a guy you're attracted to.
When I say attracted to, I say it on purpose. He doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous attractive, you just have to be attracted to him. And sometimes, that mole on his left shoulder or the dimple in his chin is WAY cuter than the rippling biceps and shoulder blades, chiseled jaw and awesome abs of the self-absorbed captain-of-his-high-school-team-but-actually-a-major-loser guy you might think is classically good-looking.